The Beauty Aspect: The Rest of It.

The Beauty Aspect: Part Two

As Missy Elliot would like to say, “Get your nails done, get your hair did.” I’m a firm believer in the ladies pampering themselves but the truth most women work full time jobs and raise full time families. Those who don’t have both or just have one, still lead full time lives and that a lot can be taxing and of itself. And if you are on my boat, pampering means a financial selfish act that is taking away from a collective bigger picture. Sure, my fiancé wants me to feel my best and he loves to see me get dolled up (the rare times that I do) but when your planning a wedding or even just trying to make it through the monthly bills with a little left over for groceries; things like: “getting your nails done and your hair did” come with a definite “no” answer. That’s a $200 adventure in ‘self care’ at the cheapest rate possible. Yea, you’re nails might look fab and your hair might be on point but now the car payment’s late or for me, $200 is missing from the place labeled, “wedding shit.” Again, if you live in the world of luxury and can afford all the extras while sustaining a comfortable living, more power to you. However, this blog probably isn’t for you. I dunno, maybe it is? Maybe you too are down with saving a penny or two. Who am I to presume? For my other ladies that are part of the ‘Thrift Sister Tribe’ this blog is right up your alley and hopefully will turn into an ally? There’s nothing wrong with splurging. You deserve it! You work hard and life isn’t only made for wealthy folks to enjoy and for you just to pay bills and die. You’re worthy of the finer things and moments too. It’s just....when you don’t have deep pockets...you have to get creative with those wants and desires. It’s not a need. Yes, there is a need in all of us to never look like we just jumper out of a dumpster but when it boils down to “needs,” pampering yourself gives nothing to your survival. You may look great but if the lights turn off or you can’t eat for a week, that cute hairstyle and done up nails aren’t going to do you any good. I grew up lower middle class. I grew up knowing we were broke. Before it became trendy, I actually shopped at the thrift shops because that’s all we could afford. Now it’s just a part of me and I still shop in them regularly. I believe you can tell a lot about a town from their thrift shop inventory and because of this, any place I visit I make sure a consignment, antique, or thrift store is on the list of things to do. I’ve discovered some gems and I know...ONE DAY...I’ll find those Minnetonka boots I so desperately want. My mama didn’t name me Hope for no reason, you know! Not to mention the sweet finds are better for the environment. It’s reusing and recycling and why be part of the problem if you can be part of a solution? Some second hand goods are top notch and I love digging to find that golden needle in the haystack. Mind you some stores that claim to be second hand don’t have the second hand price tag to match. These shops annoy me to no end. “No, I don’t want to pay double the original price because it’s vintage.” Growing up I was never that kid wearing the most expensive styles. I was never that teen girl that had the newest haircut and make up always on. To this day, I rarely a face and my hair...well....that gets done by me but it usually involves a bun, braid, ponytail, or pigtails....if I feel like going the extra mile that. Nothing fancy, just simple and I’m okay with that. There are a few perks to not being able to afford make up though: 1) my skin looks great and 2) I look much younger than I actually am so you take the good with the bad., I guess. I look at some of these makeup and hair blogs and although I admire their looks, once the makeup is off their skin is terrible. It’s been terrible for years due to caking junk on over the course of time. *side note: when you leave your makeup on overnight, you add SEVEN YEARS to your face. SEVEN YEARS!!! When the hair comes to an in between phase, it looks brittle and fake. When the nails take a breather from all those colors, the nails are weak and yellow from all the chemicals schlepped on for years. And I don’t know about you but I swear, nail salon work-although nice occasionally-doesn’t last. Maybe it’s because I work with my hands or my nails grow exponentially fast but before I know it, I’m looking at nail color gaps and grown out cuticles. The upkeep alone would cost a fortune and why pay someone to do something I’m damn well capable of doing myself. Besides, my nail color collection didn’t just get purchased to sit on a shelf and collect dust. What a waste. Still, sometimes you want a new nail color or you want your hair to get done professionally. I get that. I want those things too...I am a women as well and I do them when I can, if I do desire. For the most part I can “wax my brows, do my nails without them looking manhandled, and create hairstyles that are fun and new. I’m still working on the hair dye part. Truth. I can’t figure out how to evenly distribute and it’s rather frustrating. No worries though. All those “girly things” require learning, tweaking, and honing in on a craft...and I’ve had opportunities to practice. I’m one of those people that fidgets and if I can keep my hands busy, I’m happy so there’s been many a random moment where while watching a movie, I’m testing out a new braid or plucking a hair or giving myself a mani/pedi. Being a restless person has taught me many things. Hahaha...everything except clearly the hair dying part...but just like my boots, I will master this one day too. What I can’t take care of myself, my resources can. Look ladies, we all have at least ONE friend who’s unbelievable at hair and makeup. Her skill and artistry are a talent and you have probably even given her a compliment or asked her to do you up a time or two. I’ve been asked to do a friend’s wedding makeup and I was both shocked and pleased. It was a huge compliment to me and it will be to your friend. I mean it was to me and it is to my girlfriend that I have asked. Let your community help and this goes for all wedding things and while you are worried about bothering your friends or family for help, they are actually moved by the sentiment and ready and willing to assist you in creation of your magical day. At one point in my life I had quite the makeup collection. It had taken an extremely long time to acquire. Extra tips saved for that new shade but in one night...one crappy night...my collection became someone else’s. *Story: I was in my 20’s and after a night out with my then boyfriend, I was focused on getting his highly intoxicated butt in our house. I left makeup bag in the car overnight because again, I was taking care of my drunk partner. The things you do for love. The next morning I saw my car had been broken into and my makeup bag along with a few CD’s and some change had been stolen. After that, I gave up my pursuit in purchasing high end cosmetics. I have replaced a few items but to me someone stealing everything I had worked many hours to get was like me setting the money I made on fire....and what’s that saying, “Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.” I can’t guarantee I will never leave a bag in the car again...just now...that bag won’t contain brand name beauty enhancers. Have fun stealing that one. Furthermore and this is just something I have noticed, a color is a color. I comprehend quality occasionally reflects price but let’s be honest, most things can be substituted by cheaper alternatives. Along with the dolled up face, done up hair and nails on *fleek, most brides I hear don’t want to look the color of their dress. Most are going for a darker shade of pale. That’s cool. I feel ya...and I’m on that bandwagon too...the only difference...the sun works just fine. I recognize what a tanning bed can ultimately do-sun kissed skin in a matter of minutes....and I’d be lying if I said I’ve never used one but once I learned how awful they were for you...I stopped. And, they are.....terrible for you and I’ve got to pick and choose my bad choices in life. You can’t have all the bad choices. I haven’t visited a tanning bed since my early 20’s and once it got warmer, it didn’t make sense to pay for something I could receive for free. I work from home so I have the ability to go outside often and I do. I sit in the sun for a few minutes then come back in and work. For an extra kick in darkness I use a mixture of lotion and cocoa and lather it on the skin or olive oil to to enhance the color kick. Just a few little tips I learned on.....(drumroll please).....dear old Pinterest. Here I go again plugging them. It definitely works but I recommend getting the consistency down by practicing before your big day or before giving up. What is it with me a ratios? Another nifty hack and this is a bonus from my first post...wanna brighten your smile? You’ve got to really cheap options here: one involves a lemon and the other hydrogen peroxide and they both involve baking soda. Your first option: squeeze a piece of lemon and mix with baking soda until you get a paste. Pat your teeth dry then apply the paste. Leave on for one to three minutes then rinse out. Brush your teeth and smile. Do this at least a couple times a week until you see your desired shade of pearly whites. Your second choice: add baking soda and hydrogen peroxide together to make a paste like consistency. This doesn’t have to be as thick as the lemon/baking soda combo-really it’s up to you. Brush your teeth normally and bam! Your teeth will be at least a shade lighter. I recommend doing both of these before bed. I say this because of two reasons. 1) You aren’t eating or drinking anything while you sleep so these hacks are working at their highest level for you. 2) Brushing your teeth is part of your nightly routine so it’s not that hard to schedule a teeth whitening regime during this time. And while we’re on the subject of money saving hacks here are your bridal or just life saving beauty tips as promised: skin, nails and hair. Thrifty Tip Four Incorporate your buddies on your day. I’m grateful for all the friends and family I have making my day extra special. My officiant: a relative. My DJ: an old roommate and retired radio personality. My photographer: an old high school buddy. The woman doing my hair and makeup: a girlfriend from college. I can’t empathize this enough: when going into wedding planning mode, the reality of how ludicrous “these essentials “ cost was eye opening....to say the very least. But since we’re just speaking about hair getting done and a face put on, I’ll stay on track and save those experiences for another post. My daily makeup routine isn’t much and I already have all the colors I want for my bridal look. To me buying more doesn’t make sense and I swear sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the choices on one shade of a color. Call it ‘Midnight Train’ if you want but I just see a dark blue. You know this only being humbled by being broke as taught me an extremely valuable lesson in consumerism. I am a conscientious buyer now and unless you have deep pockets, you too will be watching every penny during the planning of a wedding. Things come up and ideas change. Added expenses you never knew could be “added” do and YOU have to pay for them. No ifs, ands or other solutions about it. I will tell you this though....during the pissing out money right and left sometimes you fall into lucky freebies. I got tickets to a bridal show. It was a free bridal show but you still had to get tickets. Unfortunately, I was unable to go and super bummed about it but when work calls, you answer. Surprisingly, that ticket entered me in vendor giveaways. I won three in total. One was a makeover that came with a makeup package. Me, along with about 15 other brides-to-be received charcoal facials, were slathered with anti aging serums and got tested for perfectly matched cosmetic combinations. We also received some pretty sweet swag for participating. I came home after that venture feeling absolutely stunning and my fiancé loved the look too. Look for free bridal shows and get tickets. Go and get you some freebies or ideas. Enter those bridal giveaways. Hopefully you too will win a few contests. Indulge in those tiny bridal moments. You are allowed and not to mention, they are fun and in midst of all the wedding chaos, you will need some fun. In the last year, I’ve won: a guest book, champagne flutes, the makeover and some makeup, a three night hotel stay, and a few other things that unfortunately I couldn’t redeem or had use for. These have been the perk side of a very stressful situation and any bride on a budget looks at free as a godsend. Desperately needing some hair TLC, I finally after almost two years of it not being touched, not even a cut-found a coupon for a new client special. It turns out, I loved the woman who did my hair and will be returning as soon as I can splurge once more. With that said, look for coupons on all things. Both Groupon and community magazines are solid starting points. If you’re really tight on cash though but want something new or just a trim, look into cosmetology schools. The students need to log the hours as well as the experience and cuts and color are discounted heavily and I mean heavily. The only risk is: the student screws up. Although truth be told, years of training doesn’t necessarily mean someone doing this for years won’t do the same thing. There’s inherent risks with either. It happens so before your stress level rises just remember a bad haircut is a temporary ‘first world problem’ and to ensure you can overcome any hair disaster, plan ahead. Meaning don’t wait until the last month to get a style or cut. At the end of the day though, remember there are worst things that could happen and your guests or honey really could care less what your hair looks like. My hair and makeup gal is in another state but I trust her and love everything she does so I’m not worried about a one and only shot at making me look pretty. Without her help and handy work, I’d be doing it myself because I just can’t afford paying someone to do it. Which would be fine but on my big day this is one less thing I want to worry about and given that I’m a very hands on bride already and will continue to be as close to an hour before I walk down the aisle, nor do I want too. My friend is saving me and I couldn’t be more grateful. Reach out to your community. The worst that will happen is a “no” response but you won’t find this out unless you ask and when you start this process, you will be pleasantly surprised the amount of people that don’t might at all being involved. Skin: I have been blessed with good skin but making it remain that way takes effort on my part. I’m Greek and come from great skin genes but that’s no guarantee for life long results. Ladies, makeup is not helping your skin. It’s nice and fun to play with but it’s terrible for you. I’m not saying avoid it because I don’t so why would I tell you too. No, what I’m saying is your skin needs to breathe. Just like your nails do. Just like your soul does. Wear it occasionally. It’s not part of my daily routine but it may be a part of yours and that’s okay. I’m just giving you tips. Take them or leave them. Most of the time, my face is in its natural state. I’m 38 and often get mistaken for half my age. I still get carded and asked, “Are your parents home?” I attribute this not only to my DNA but also because I don’t plaster the makeup on daily. I don’t sit in the sun for long periods at a time, nor do I use SPF when I do. Interesting enough, recent studies have shown that SUNBLOCK actually causes more skin cancer than the actual sun itself. Whaaat? Yup, it’s a new study and if you haven’t heard about it, I recommend reading up. It’s definitely a perspective worthy of consideration. Not only does it enhance cancer cells but...if you are a water dweller like me...SPF destroys that too. The oils from these products wreaks havoc on a water’s natural ecosystem...so why even buy it? It’s not gods for you or the environment....win/win for your wallet and the earth. I mean, it’s one less plastic container to consume, right? Sometimes I want to scream at these makeover tutorials. They show some woman with horrible skin and yellow nails covering up the damage that’s been done...only making it worse. Those nails are yellow because of constant painting and salon chemicals. Your hair is brittle because you won’t give it time to heal from the last dye job you did. Your skin is breaking out because you won’t let air out. Ease up or age faster than a dying grape. Take care of these things now and don’t rely on fancy alternatives that deplete your financial goals. Get resourceful. For instance, if my skin is feeling drab one day, I lather it up with olive oil. Good old fashioned cooking olive oil. Hahaha. I guess I’m plugging olive oil now too. It works like a charm and if you don’t believe me, I encourage you to try it. I also wash my face daily and rinse it with cold water instead of hot. Usually before bed, right after I brush my teeth. I learned this from watching ‘Mommy Dearest’ and Joan Crawford was one crazy bitch but her skin was flawless so I’ll try anything once and my skin does appear tighter so I’ll stick with it. However, I don’t advise adding ice to the cold water. That shit hurts. *side note....if you do wear makeup daily, WASH IT OFF AT NIGHT. Not washing your face clean can add seven days to your face and I don’t know about you buuuut...I’m not trying to speed up the aging process especially since it’s already right around the corner for me. Nails: Just like I did for my high school prom, I will be getting my nails done professionally for my wedding. I’m only getting them painted and the word ‘love’ written on my ring finger fingernail though. Still it’s a factored in cost on the overall wedding spending but until then, I’ll paint them myself and if you can too, why not? Save that monthly or by monthly nail salon visit and put it somewhere else like: your honeymoon or other wedding extras. Get a foot bar and scrub your feet daily with it and if you have the extra time set yourself up to soak them and go all in. Give yourself your own pedi! You can say you don’t have time for that but if you don’t have time to do it yourself, how do have time to have a professional do it? Revisit your old nail color collection, you’ve got some goodies in there. I know you do. If they’re old add a little of nail polish remover to it. If it’s too old, throw it out. No need to hang on to it. Another useful tip for olive oil...if you have rough hands or feet...rub this stuff on. If you can sleep with socks on, lather and leave over night. If not, no worries. Just rub on after a shower and move on with your day. Tested. Tried. And true. Olive Oil is the nectar of gods. Us budget bridal babes need to cut corners wherever we can. Having someone else do what we can do is great and all but that cost money. Don’t deprive yourself but don’t over indulge either, especially if your weighing throwing a stellar celebration versus you being narcissistic for the sake of beauty. I will tell you this: what a great wedding boils down to is food, music, and free booze. Yeah, I wanna look my best. Like the best I’ve never seen before....but I care about my guests having a good time more. I will look my best. I’m getting married to the love of my life. I’m saying “I do” to my best friend. The glow only will make me look fierce. You don’t always need “your nails done or your hair did.” You don’t need to look tan when it’s cold or have the whitest smile in the room. You don’t need your face piled on with layers of swanky varnish. You are beautiful without all the extras and the costly upkeep. Unless you live to be a status rather than a real person, get your natural on! Embrace the days where you’re free of a social standard to be a sexy anything. You are sexy without all the hype and if you need all the hype to feel your best, that’s an inner issue that needs working out. No amount of nail and hair care, name brand goods, and body alterations will cure that. Speaking the married life...your partner...your life mate...loves you the same without the bells and whistles. They’ve seen you at your worst and they’ve showed you off at your best. They know who you are and what’s inside and I almost guarantee their fantasies involving you....don’t involve you all done up...it’s more like in your birthday suit and that’s all. My fiancé said this to me, “I’m looking forward to taking the dress off.” Hahaha and here I was worried about my hair, makeup, nails, body? I’m not a disheveled mess and won’t be on my wedding day either but I’m not consumed with a perfect body image. Maybe that comes with age or maybe because I have really never had the life that allows consistent princess pampering...doesn’t matter. I’m okay with it. I like myself and know myself well enough and when I’m on my deathbed people aren’t going to remember by what I looked like...they will be remembering who I was a person instead. Getting wedding ready doesn’t mean changing your appearance or going broke to be this unreal version of yourself. Freebies are always a welcomed treat and take this blog as such. My journey is almost to its end and through this whole adventure, I have learned some really rad things about myself. What I’m capable of. How creative I can actually be. How inventive and resourceful I am. How truly, I am, as a person. It’s a mysterious world-this wedding planning one. A chapter full of self discoveries and bittersweet with its ending. Still, there’s so much to be shared and even though my wedding experiences are wrapping up, yours might just be beginning. Next up: where I saved and where I couldn’t. And some handsy DIY tips that include some not so happy DIY observations.

Jul 1, 2018

The Beauty Aspect

The Beauty Aspect. Part One

Every “bride” wants to look and feel their best on their wedding day. There’s no way around it and at first I was sooooo anti this sentiment. I wanted to be me....not anyone else but as the days got closer (200 and some to go at the time) I started playing with the idea that I should be getting my butt into shape. The main areas I wanted to get toned were the same target areas my dress accentuated. I had bought it before the holidays and finally received it after. and when I tried it on, the damn thing was so snug I almost went into a panicky depression. I know...I know...I shouldn’t have tried it on first thing after the holiday season. But c’mon...you too wouldn’t *wait to try on your dream dress after it finally arrived either? *By the way, that time between ‘saying yes to the dress’ and waiting for it to actually show up is a true test in patience and filled with anxiety ridden anxiousness. I didn’t only want to look amaze balls for this day but I wanted to feel and look the way I used to in general. I know at 38 I’ll never look as I did when I was 18 or even 28 for that matter but nor do I want too. However; I do, want to feel beautiful in my own skin....especially on my wedding day. When I first moved cross-country I was a size 6. Before the big move, my bicycle was my main mode of transportation. I lived in a town where that was feasible and other than that and walking occasionally, I really didn’t have a strict exercise regimen. Granted, I didn’t just ride my bike to get me places. I rode it out of pure leisure and pleasure. So I guess looking back, I was exercising my butt off-just not in the traditional gym sense. Four years later, I was a size 10. I finally realized how big I had gotten when a major clothing store was telling me a size 10 was a plus size. Now, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that size. Really, there isn’t. Size 10 isn’t huge! Not to mention, women are gorgeous at any shape! They can kick ass at size 24 just as easily at size 2. Be a bad ass on the inside first and foremost! If you don’t have that, it really doesn’t matter what size you are. I’ve also had issues with my *appearance in the past and I’m alright with not being enemies with food now. Eating is a favorite past time. Gummy bears are a vice and chocolate looks at me with pleading, attention seeking eyes. I give in sometimes. I make poor choices too but nowadays, I don’t feel so terrible about indulging occasionally. So much guilt comes with an uncomfortable size. I literally wore pants all the time because I hated my thighs rubbing together. Not because of the weight. I was alright with my size. I wasn’t over the moon about it but I wasn’t heartbroken or going back to my younger insecure self. I just hated the way it felt. Like a fly that won’t leave you alone or someone who is invading your personal space or an itch you can scratch. That kind of annoyance. Happily and surprisingly (because I just realized this the other day) my legs no longer rub together. *Most of the time being older and wiser is astounding. You couldn’t pay me to go back in time. Well, maybe just that once...to never give the louse of a high school boyfriend a second chance after he broke up with me. Couple loving food with working all the time and living in place where biking was nonexistent and you get weight gain. I got weight gain. I also joke that being stressed out and broke are “super diets” so if you really wanna shed some lbs without any work put into it, start there. Although I really don’t recommend it. I can attest to both and my findings are this: that shit sucks! It did push start the odyssey of progression though and I would be a fraud to say otherwise. You’re stressed: workout. It clears your head. You’re broke: workout to cure the boredom. Bonus: that small grocery trip out...it’s all you’ll get for a bit. Eat lightly. 😂🤦🏻‍♀️🙋🏻‍♀️ I didn’t/don’t have the money to splurge on a gym membership. You know: bills, responsibilities, life. But since starting an exercise regimen, I’ve since realized I don’t need a gym to workout. They kinda seem like a rip off at this point and most gym rats I know are the worst types of people. A lot of fake and ego driven souls hang at the gym...ugh, no thanks. I had my fill of that already. What I do I need? Well, I have the weights. I have a yoga mat and I have quick access to trails galore. I also have a smartphone and the internet. As you can tell, I need choices. As said in prior post, Pinterest in the last year has become like a very creative and all knowing best friend. Specifically speaking of getting in shape, this app has particularly brought me great joy. I swear I should get paid to be a Pinterest spokesperson. My arms are taking shape! My butt is lifting. I can do yoga positions I never thought possible. My flexibility and balance game are strong with this one and now with only a short time to go before the official ‘I Do’ day, I’ve never been so excited or happy to see myself in the mirror. I know that sounds like I’m an ego maniac too but I’m not. I promise. It’s taking a considerably long time and some extremely sad lessons to recognize myself in a worthy light. In addition to seeing visible changes, I’ve relaxed on the notion that I have to to go HAM everyday. Before it was a priority. First thing in the morning-workout. Before coffee. Before anything. Now, it’s every other day and at no set time, as long as it gets done. I will agree exercising in the morning did/does give me a boost in energy and mood but sometimes I need my coffee and a moment to wake up before I do anything! Hey, I’m human. Eh, truly me ‘just doing it’ is more important than all the details. Right? I will tell you this, my body craves working out now. I’m not kidding! It’s become a nagging parent or partner making sure I do this one thing every day or every other day at least. “Did you workout today?” “Yes.” “Carry on.” “Did you work out today?” “No.” “Why not? Are you? When are going to? You should just do it now and get it over with. You’ll Feel better when it’s done. Did you do it yet?” It goes on until the workout is actually completed and the nagging parent/partner wins and to be honest, they are right. I do feel better and I’m glad I did it. With that said, my gift to you is “Bride-To-Be-money saver number three.” Thrifty Tip Three: A gym membership can be costly and when you’re trying to watch over everything you make and account for everything you spend, paying money for something you can be resourceful about is an unnecessary added expense. Look at it this way. Wouldn’t you rather spend money on something towards your wedding or you on your day for that matter over something you literally can do without any money involved. Cut it out and get creative. I use You Tube and Pinterest to learn what I need to learn and follow classes for free. Real talk. Yoga is crazy expensive. It never used to be but with popularity comes the price spike. Don’t even get me started on the subject of organic. It’s filled with opinions but I’ll save that for another section. We’re talking matrimony right now. Priorities. Organic will wait. Yoga nowadays and in my opinion, has also turned into a dating scene or fashion statement rather than a place for personal growth and practice. I stopped checking spots out because they all ended up being the same. Oh the good ole days. “These pants are how much? That mat cost what? Hey, buddy....I’m trying to work on my downward facing dog-not get a date for next Friday night.” I recommend “Yoga with Adrien” on You Tube. She is fantastic and she offers a variety of classes in all levels. You can also choose how long you want each class. Feel like a quick stretch? She offers 15 minute sessions. Want something longer? No worries, she’s got that too. Best part...it’s all freaking free. Heck yea! I love free! Don’t you? Another place to find oodles of free physical activity....the outside. Yup, people I said it and some of you are probably replying back, “Duh.” In my defense though...you would be surprised this isn’t on the radar for many. I get weather can prevent outdoor activities or that possibly you live in a place not so keen on folks being outside but most towns, cities, rural areas, or suburbs come with parks or neighborhoods or at least a road. You get my point. Even when I lived where biking was a no go, I still hiked and went on walks. It doesn’t hurt enjoying nature so if you absolutely dread that, don’t do it. Don’t do anything that makes you miserable. You’ll just end up on a hamster wheel accomplishing nothing. Just get outside. No one says you have to hike to a waterfall or sit under a shady tree but do go be a part of a space that isn’t your home. Pinterest, Pinterest, Pinterest...oh how I love thee. You, and your incredible self bestowing a wealth of information on me. How ever can I repay you? Here I go again pitching them like they are paying me to! Hmmm....can you get paid to actually do that? Seriously. If you don’t have a Pinterest account, get one! It has everything and I mean everything on it. Most days I love Pinterest more than any other social site. My exercise board is ‘pinned’ to the brim with: suggestions, examples, how to’s and routines. The ‘Book and Insta can be exhausting and draining at times. Pinterest is the adult version of my childhood encyclopedia collection and those books were heavily highlighted. It’s a rabbit hole of curiosity and if you’re a newbie to this app, give yourself a few hours to explore. You won’t just stop with one post. I’ve learned as much weight and cardio training and have been taught as many yoga moves as I would if I paid for a personal trainer or special classes. I haven’t pay a dime and getting to this size without having to open my wallet isn’t something I’m willing to change. My already equipped gym was just waiting on me. I had the weights but if you don’t, you could probably find a pair for less than $20. Check out thrift stores, sales, and outlets. You can also get innovative and use heavy household objects. Yoga mats and yoga accessories are by choice and can also be found at thrift stores, yard sales, on sale or at outlet stores for half the cost. You can easily get by with a towel and carpet while in jammies too. Make it how you want it. Lastly, a combo of a few things. Make water your friend. You will pee a lot but you’ll be glowing and see results quicker. I’ve also found Apple Cider Vinegar is not only filled with a plethora of health benefits but it too speeds up the weight loss process. One shot mixed with water before bed works miracles. No joke. Cut out unhealthy late night eating...and as much as possible. Don’t go crazy but why work your ass off sweating to the oldies, if all you are going to do is destroy it with poor food choices. Kinda counterproductive, don’t you think? Walk everywhere you can. For instance, you have to run an errand that involves parking, park further out or farther away from your destination. If you have a choice between the elevator, escalator, stairs or walking? Choose the stairs or walk whenever possible. Mark my words...these small changes can create BIG CHANGES. All it takes is starting. You deserve good habits too! The bridal journey doesn’t have to be a complete 180 or a drastic measure in trying to measure up. You are beautiful and so is this process. You will run into mishaps along way but come your big day, hopefully those mishaps will just be stories you can tell to your guests. You don’t have to break the bank or your soul to get that “bridal glow.” When it is all said and done, you are getting married to a person you love, respect and want to share a future with. On their end, they feel the same....no amount of money invested will change that-unless that’s what you want, of course. But then again, you wouldn’t be reading a blog about thrifty wedding planning if you did. Enjoy you and this adventure. It’s yours for the taking. Until next time, folks. Stay tuned for part two. It’s all about skin, nails, and hair!

Before The ‘I Do’s Comes Everything Else, All at One Time.

Before The I Do, Comes Everything Else...At One Time

I don’t know about you but planning a wedding has been one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done. Well, aside from starting a business from scratch but you get the idea...right? It is a job to some degree, right? On August 18th, 2018...I’m marrying a man who asked for my hand on July 22nd, 2017. Getting engaged was something we had talked about prior....our desires for it and how it should be. How much we wanted to spend and where we wanted it to be. You know, conversations like that. We had multiples discussions and even did a hand binding as a sort of private engagement or commitment to ourselves but to make it official, meant waiting for the right time: with a ring and the ability to plan. Marriage was a natural solution for us. Neither him nor I had ever been married or engaged before and when we met, we just knew that would be our end result. We weren’t afraid of that step and in fact, embraced the very idea of it. He’s my best friend and I couldn’t see myself marrying anyone else. To the point that....until he came along I never had a face to the man I would say, “I do” to. The thing was we weren’t exactly sure when this chapter would be allowed to start. It was part of the puzzle but missing pieces extended its completion. We had just moved and in a majority of ways, we were starting over. That year was terrible. Absolutely horrific! I’ll spare you the details of why this year was so awful but just know this-getting officially engaged was not on the radar. There were nights where we ate make shift creations for dinner because that’s all we could afford and days where I woke up with puffy eyes that only got progressively got worse as the day prolonged because it too got increasingly bad. The flood gates were opened and neither one of us had a flotation device. Figuratively speaking, all we could do was viciously swim to safety and hope for the best on our way there. For a while, my fiancé and I did nothing but fight and the worst part about that was: it was all due to uncontrollable outside forces. It literally sucked and it didn’t let up! Finally, we managed to hit some calmer waters! They’re full of choppy parts to this day though but now at least much easier navigate through and soon after a trip my fiancé took back to see his family, we became engaged. Just like that. His trip wasn’t a luxury one-it was shrouded in sadness to be painfully honest. My fiancé’s stepmom had passed away and after all we had been through the previous winter and spring, we weren’t prepared for how summer was starting. The only silver lining was my engagement ring. I’m not a fancy lady and the one thing I had always told my fiancé was, “I don’t want a fancy ring.” I wanted something different and simple but when you are broke-even different and simple are too expensive. I would have settled for a “ring found at a consignment shop” but my fiancé never wanted me to settle like that and I could see that weighing on him. I mean, here we were ready to start this life but not being able to no matter which way we turned. They say, “Everything happens for a reason” and okay, I get that and would agree most of the time but unfortunately to comprehend this relic of wisdom means going through hell. All for the sake of an ‘Aha’ moment! Can’t we just bypass the bullshit and receive lessons less treacherous and gut wrenching? It took the passing of my fiancé’s stepmom to accumulate a ring worthy to put on my hand-in my fiancé’s mind. It was his grandmother’s and represented a 50 year marriage. It was also an heirloom and a ring that far surpassed anything I had ever envisioned and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciative for the stumbling. With the ring in hand, he asked where two rivers meet, under a shaded tree, on a piece of land that offered river riders a rejuvenating retreat. It was the type of metaphor for how we landed where we were, where we are, and where we were headed-and I can recount every detail of that day with enamored recollection. I, for the longest time, wanted this to happen and when it did, it was perfect. I’m just sad that his stepmom is not here to see the final outcome because in a weird twist of fate she in some way had a hand in how we got engaged. The minute it happened, I knew immediately the date I wanted us to set. His mother’s birthday. I wanted to recognize a woman I had never met before but from the stories I had been told, it sounded like we would’ve had a kinship rather than a horror story of a mom/daughter-in-law relationship. As you can tell, she has passed away as well. It was years ago and although that doesn’t make it easier, he’s had time to heal, at least a little bit, from his mother’s death. His birthday is the following day and he has said, “This is the best birthday gift I could give him-a nod towards his mother’s memory.” The planning didn’t get started until the new year. We were perusing options only and Pinterest took up every spare second. Once we started to dig in, there was a lot of wedding nonsense to wade through. Our previous talks were never that in depth and we had no idea absolutely no idea the magnitude of choices. It’s a wild ride. *sidenote: no soon-to-be married couple needs twenty types of invites repeating the same thing or twenty parties celebrating the same Union. What a waste of money, paper, and time-not only on your end but the people who are inevitably commencing your next phase in life. The most accurate and best advice I got when I first got engaged was this: “Every idea you start with will change by the end of it.” Holy Moly! This woman’s shared wisdom was spot on. Very few ideas have made it through to the final cut. Along the way, a British grumpy judge will eliminate it. My fiancé and I wanted a low-key celebration. We wanted eco-friendly and we both didn’t want to spend a tremendous amount of money. These things have “Rocky(ed)” their way to the final round. A) We don’t have that kind of money and B) We’d rather travel then go balls to the wall on one day! C) We like the environment and D) We like smaller groups. Still, weddings-unless you choose eloping or the courthouse are expensive. My fiancé would have preferred the latter but because this is my first and only wedding, I want to do it the right way and it’s not that fiancé doesn’t want that too...he’d just rather wait until we aren’t so financially fragile. I understand that logic but life usually isn’t set up that way and most people I know don’t have a stock pile of cash waiting to be used on moments like these. I am also a firm believer that rich people aren’t the only ones who deserve to live life because let’s be honest; those rich folks got that way because of other people. Other people they often don’t want to pay or better yet, don’t want to see rise or acknowledge for their existence. Besides, 8/18/18 and that precise date held value. It only came once and just because we weren’t swimming in a sea of monetary bounty, didn’t mean we didn’t *DESERVE this. That I didn’t DESERVE the wedding of my dreams. *deserve-I used to think this word was so arrogant and self righteous but at 38 and coming out of everything I’ve been through...I DESERVE HAPPINESS TOO. We started out summer and rustic. We stuck with a little bit of both. We started out in the mountains-two hours away from where we live. We ended up in a garden in the city-closer to conveniences and the airport. We started out with a smaller yet large guest list and ended with a smaller more intimate one. We started with all paper invites but ended up with a website and very few paper invites to appease my mother. We started wanting to pay for it all and have ended up with my mother paying for most of it. Without her, there would be no wedding. We’d be doing it my fiancé’s way or just wait until we had that stock pile. My mother was happy to gift me this and I am forever indebted and so proud she has been there every step of the way. Everything has changed from beginning to end. Even my dress. It wasn’t what I pinned on Pinterest, not even close but when I put it on I fell in love. My budget was $500 and I purchased it for under soooooo Go Me!!!!! The Savings Queen. And three months shy, all the loose ends are coming together. If you have the desire and money to spend on a lavish wedding day by all means, feed that princess heart-who am I to judge. It’s just not for me. However, I do understand and I’m sure it will be fabulous. Some of those Pinterest weddings are pure bliss but they come with a crazy cost and if you don’t have that, that’s a direction you just can’t take. So why dwell on the can’t and create the can!!!! I’m a flower babe-I love ‘em! I want flowers and plants everywhere. Especially in a romantic setting such as a wedding...but flowers at a wedding are a big ticket item and again, your guests can “oh and ah” at your $1200 centerpieces for a few minutes but that’s all that will happen. They really don’t care!!!! They want food, fun, great tunes, and free alcohol! Flowers add up and speaking candidly, die. You just dropped a hefty amount of cash on things that are going to die! How’s that for a realization? There is an in between though. Its a compromise but one definitely worth of taking into consideration. Besides, what is wrong with compromising? Truthfully, it’s the best of both worlds and I’m always on the hunt for the best of all the worlds. Sooooo....without further ado I give you my second money saving tip for wedding planning. Thrifty Tip Two: If you are a bride like me and want flowers and greenery all around you but don’t have the wallet to accommodate that wish, look into a botanical garden. Most cities have one and surprisingly, I never thought this location could be financially possible. Even with my mother paying for it but it was and it’s gorgeous. Both my ceremony and reception are taking place here. You see, these types of locations not only cater to day goers but also cater to events. Both small and large. They have tables, chairs, day of help, speaker systems, picturesque settings everywhere you turn and sometimes free perks that come with event packages. Included in the cost of our big day, our venue provides free days passes to all of our guests and since our wedding is at night, each guest has the time and opportunity to explore every inch of the Gardens. It’s huge and breathtaking and the best part, it comes with free flowers and greenery galore...that won’t die once this day is done. I’m only spending $100 on flowers and that’s including centerpieces and my bouquet. Being a bride on a budget isn’t bad and in the realm of flowery paradise, I’m getting all I could ask for and more without the ludicrous bill attached. This day is about love and whether you are just beginning or wrapping things up, I hope you find insight in my experiences. There’s more to come and if you have any questions or curiosities about saving a dime, drop me an email found on the first page. Thanks for listening and good luck planning.

The Spendthrift Sister Stories

My journey into frugality began long, long ago. The second daughter of a single mom, I learned early on what the word “budget” really meant. At 15, I had my very first after school job and by college, I had two....by my late 20’s through my early 30’s, I had three or four. Growing up, I worked every second I had and yet I still felt I was on a constant depressing merry-go-round of financial woes. I was always that broke friend, no matter how many hours I put in or how well I actually got paid. I wish I could tell you that now at 38 things are drastically different and ramen is never on the dinner menu but unfortunately that’s not true. The older you get, the more demanding life is. At least I can rest easy knowing I’m solo in this struggle...meaning, I have zero mouths to feed except for mine and my fiancé’s. But then again, he too contributes to this household so I’m not really feeding him. Instead, we’re merely both just bringing equal amounts of food to the table and I’m grateful I can only imagine the extra stress children can bring versus experiencing it firsthand. Seriously. We’re also getting married this year so the wish to rebuild that ‘nest egg’ after we moved became, “We put in what we can, when we can and pray nothing insane happens along the way.” It’s been a slow process but I’m nowhere near where I was a year ago and am persistent with moving forward. One foot in front of the other. Penny pinching doesn’t mean being cheap. In fact, most broke folks I know are actually the most giving people-while those with the deeper pockets come up with every excuse not to ‘come up’ off that cash. So, let’s be clear going into this blog.... It won’t interest you if you a) want to be a cheap asshat or b) want to be a cheap asshat. (A Poor Woman’s Rant) -Tip your servers 20%, most people on welfare aren’t ripping off the system and watching your money is fine just don’t be greedy when you have everything while others have little to none. *by the way, before I get any emails from people who have money arguing that they shouldn’t have to support those who don’t...that’s a long and complex conversation with many variables so let’s just avoid it all together and save us both the grief. No, this blog is a personal opinion and purely based on the things I feel are of good value and worthy of sharing because I have experienced them. Beauty hacks, entertainment, travel, food....it’s all here...or will be once this ball/blog starts rolling. And since I’m getting hitched in no less than three months, I’m starting there: How To Save Where You Can And Not Give Up On The Wedding You Want And Bride You Want To Be. Stay Tuned, folks. I got a ton of tips but to ensure you don’t go away feeling empty...here’s your first free tip that actually works! I’ve done it twice now and I rate it with an A. It could potentially save you a nice little chunk on the list of wedding expenses. Not to mention, it’s healthier than the alternative. Thrifty Tip One: for all those brides who want a bright smile on their wedding day....I do 🙋🏻‍♀️....I do. All you need: baking soda, lemon, and three minutes. Cut a piece of the lemon and squeeze the juice into a bowl. Add baking soda until it turns into a paste. Put on your teeth and let sit for three minutes. Rinse, brush your teeth, go on with your day. Do this at least 3 times a week until you get the results you want. Don’t go crazy though. Your teeth are beautiful, especially when you smile and so are you! More importantly, you are real person and your partner loves you not your chompers and your guests...welllllll....they could care less about your grill shade. Honestly all they care about are the free booze, a stellar music selection, and the delicious array of belly filling food. Scratch the expensive dental visits and splurge on something else. Especially when lemon, baking soda and three minutes works like a charm.

When One Door Closes

Right after my 36^th birthday, my job went to an app service. There was no need for my position and I wasn’t all that heart-broken. I knew that that was the direction we were going…so mentally, I was prepared for it. To be honest, I really didn’t think there was going to be any position for me after we went all 21^st century. However, my boss wanted to keep me around. She felt I had other talents that she found useful and therefore she wanted me to stay.

And, just like that I…after years of wanting, wishing, trying…became an actual, bonafied, paid-for-my-words writer.  I’ve been published before. But never paid. And, when I got paid, what I wrote never got published. I think they just paid me to get me outta their hair. Who knows? That same week…I submitted 20 photographs to a stock-photo company and one was accepted…and I couldn’t be more elated.

Wait. I know. At this point, you must be scratching your head as to why I am so excited about the tiny accomplishments before me. Yes, I know only one picture made it but it’s one more than I had before and as far as the writing goes….my whole life…that’s all I ever wanted. It just took 33 years to really believe I could do it. I have a lot to say and those things all swirl around in my head, waiting for an escape. And, for as long as I can remember…writing as always been the one consistent outlet. Also, when you grow up with a single Mom and every penny is counted…the cheaper hobbies take precedence.

Photography came next but not until much, much later.

Most importantly though, I have always wanted to be a sustainable artist. I have always wanted to be able to support myself through the things I create: be it through lens or through pens. I’ve never wanted to be a starving artist nor have I ever had the luxury. Most “starving” artists have not-so starving artist parents. Just an observation I have made from living in a very artistic community for many years.

Anyway, so that’s why I celebrate the tiny victories. It’s not that it’s this massive thing that needs to be screamed out load but I can sit back and look back…at just how far I’ve come. The things I’ve always wanted will and always have come my way…they just come in a different form that what I initially envisioned.

There’s this book I’m reading right now. Actually, I’m almost finished with it. In January I started this thing about reading more books and being less involved with social media. It has been the best decision I made for myself. The. Best. Decision. 1) I’m less annoyed at people-strangers and non-strangers. 2) I’m less anxious. 3) I get better sleep. 4) I’m enjoying reading much more than I ever have. I mean, I loved reading but now I kinda tweak out if I haven’t read in a few days. All in all it’s been a great new habit. With that, I’m on my seventh book and it’s called Year of Yes by Shonda Rimes. She is the writer for Thursday night TV hits like, Private Practice and Grey’s Anatomy. I don’t really watch either show or any of her other shows for that matter but to be fair, that’s only because I’m usually never by a TV until 10pm and when I am-I usually watch movies. I guess I just got tired of every show being based on screaming women yelling at other screaming women. Regardless, her book has been awe-inspiring and even though she hasn’t reached me in her television audience…she has with her literary one and I couldn’t be more motivated to push on. Thank you, Shonda!!!

Her book is like a self-help book on steroids. It’s not really meant to be one giant motivational speech but her excitement and energy is raw and you can feel it throughout her year or essentially believing in herself.

So, while I continue to work hard and “laying down track,” as Ms. Rimes puts it, the small photos sold here and the freelance paid writing gigs there-all in the end-will amount to something. It’s a stepping stone to something bigger and more sustainable.

And, I could look at this whole-changing-position thing so horribly but I refuse to. I know am losing an income at a time when I wasn’t ready to lose it but honestly, this step into the future is the right move for my boss’s company and let’s face it, the right move for me. I have some in savings and I’m damned determined to be earning double by this time next year. All on my own skills.

Not to mention, it wasn’t that long ago that I was watching pennies. Going back to that whole growing up with a single mom. This summer is about cheap, free, and hard work. Of course, not everything will be free or cheap or hard work for that matter but I dubbed it that so it’s going to be that and my hard work isn’t all that hard or much work. It’s more about me believing that I can do it and doing it so I will. In retrospect, no matter how prepared you are for life’s little hiccups you’re never really that prepared. It’s okay. I swear. You’ll survive. You’ll find out how strong you are…I mean, this is small potatoes compared to all the things I’ve been through.

Ah. The glory of getting older. You are more capable of handling life’s curve balls without losing your lunch.

I can curse it all or embrace it as someone’s way of nudging me in a direction I knew I wanted to be in but was deathly afraid of the unknowing. Last thing, I want is to fail. But then again, I knew what failure felt like. I was inevitably failing myself when I refused to listen to my desires.

Around 33, I had an evolution of spirit and since then this mantra has continued to reverberate. I move to it. I sway my hips to it. I dance like no one’s watching. The louder the beat gets the fiercer I become.

“I will get there,” I say.

 “Behind that door isn’t so scary…soon it will be a comfortable automated motion as well.” I tell myself and just as I was right soon it becomes exactly that.  

Just Around The Corner

Today was, "Do what you need to do to take care of you day." I dubbed it this because for the past few weeks I haven't felt one ounce of magical mojo. My creative juices have been null and void and it's been a big-time bummer. So, this morning when I sat in my home office chair...one thing led to another and without any rhyme or reason I started and finished two websites that I have been putting off. While also, going through oodles of emails flagged, "freelance" jobs available. No, I'm not desperately trying to earn a buck instead both the websites and freelance jobs are representative of my creative outlets that one day hopefully will become a sustainable and livable form of income. So far it's just a hobby and a medium for artists to support other artists.

I've never really thought I was that great at anything but I always wanted to do something. I wanted to dye my hair a funky color cause it matched my imaginative personality. I always wanted to go to craft shows, DIY markets, art walks and such and be not just a patron but a seller as well. I always wanted to be that girl...the creative bohemian. Now, finally after all these years...I can say I am beginning to make that happen. You may wonder...(the whole two of you that stumble onto my blog)...why it has taken me so long to accomplish this? Well, self-confidence for one and for two-when you're broke....creativity becomes a luxury, not a priority. At a few weeks shy of 36, my self-confidence is soaring and my wallet isn't empty. For starters, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. So that makes me less apt to shy away from cultivating my sublime life. Secondly, nooo-I'm not rolling in millions but I am finally reaping the rewards of all my hard work. At almost 36, I finally have enough money to: save, pay bills with, and play with. I'm no longer robbing Paul to pay Peter or deciphering which obligation, which bill, which adult responsibility, which whatever has greatest importance.

Finally.

So, in this present moment I planted the proper seeds for my subsequent destiny. Mark my words...a year from now I will be able to say that I am a living, breathing working artist. Among all the creative creators. This feels good, this feels right and I couldn't be more elated.

Fight, Fight....Don't Give Up the Fight!

I know a lot of people say what I'm about to say. In fact, I can guarantee that everyone has said or will say what I'm about to say at least once in their lifetime. I HATE MY JOB! I hate the shitty pay I make, I hate the shitty hours I work, I hate the shitty clients I cater to, and most importantly I hate that I have to pretend that I care. I don't. I don't care one bit. In fact, as my tax return states-I am now paying money to keep this shitty job. Now, before you get all up in arms about what it is I do-relax. I'm not doing anything of any substance. I take money from low income folks looking for a quick fix.


I answer phones for a psychic line.

I'm not a psychic myself. Dear God, no. If I were, I'd have no clients because what I've learned from this job is women who rely on psychics are some of the most awful human beings on the planet. They're broke. They're needy. They're mean. And, most importantly they think that their fucking issue about the guy who doesn't want them is what truly matters.

"Newsflash!!!! You bat-shit crazy twats-that pit in your stomach is your intuition and it's telling you...HE DOESN'T WANT YOU!!!!!! But sure, spend your rent money to be told once more or maybe not be told once more...who knows...because you keep fucking calling and nothing has changed!!!!"

These women will spend their last dime on a reading and I have to just grin and bare it. Holding onto to the illusion that this poorly paid job is worth keeping. When all I really want to say is, "Lady, you don't need a psychic reading. You need a psychiatrist!"  

And don't even get me started on the ones who think that this is a free service. Oh yes, they are out there. They put their readings on a tab and pay later and I have to grin and bare it...when all I really want to say is, "If you don't have the fucking money for a fucking psychic reading then don't get one!!!" I mean, am I coming into your place of employment asking for something for nothing? Better yet how about this-how 'bout a little tact. Let's say you put one reading on a tab and you leave it at that. No? You want to call three times and put all those readings on a tab? Sure, why not? I mean, we don't need to pay our bills or anything. As long as you-you bat-shit crazy twat-get your reading!

This isn't me. I'm not this angry. I'm not this mean. I'm not this easily irritated....but every time the phone rings, I want to cringe. It's like nails on a chalkboard. I want to scream because I recognize the phone numbers. I want to yell at these women and call them out! I want to jump through the phone and tell them to get a fucking grip on life and if they can't then go seek professional help or just off yourself so when the apocalypse happens, the rest of us won't have to carry around the dead weight. 

What a joke. I mean really. I make peanuts to deal with crazy and I hate it. Truthfully, if it wasn't for my second job, I wouldn't be able to live. This job doesn't even cover the rent, let alone can be depended upon as a reliable source or income..so why am I keeping it? Very good question.

All I want to do is create things. I want to write and get paid for it. I want to make art and work in my garden. I want to make a living doing that. I don't need to be rich. I just want to be comfortable....but then again doesn't everyone else?

A few years ago, I made a vision board. Every mock cut out stood for something and I can't give up on that something. It's been the only thing motivating me thus far and I will be damned if I give up now. I know what I'm doing isn't it. I know this hostile attitude isn't a trait I admire and I know I have to get out of this pool before I drowned myself in forced decisions.

Goal for the year: to focus on and make a reality the things I really want in life. Starting now.