Before The I Do, Comes Everything Else...At One Time
I don’t know about you but planning a wedding has been one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever done. Well, aside from starting a business from scratch but you get the idea...right? It is a job to some degree, right?
On August 18th, 2018...I’m marrying a man who asked for my hand on July 22nd, 2017. Getting engaged was something we had talked about prior....our desires for it and how it should be. How much we wanted to spend and where we wanted it to be. You know, conversations like that.
We had multiples discussions and even did a hand binding as a sort of private engagement or commitment to ourselves but to make it official, meant waiting for the right time: with a ring and the ability to plan.
Marriage was a natural solution for us. Neither him nor I had ever been married or engaged before and when we met, we just knew that would be our end result. We weren’t afraid of that step and in fact, embraced the very idea of it.
He’s my best friend and I couldn’t see myself marrying anyone else. To the point that....until he came along I never had a face to the man I would say, “I do” to.
The thing was we weren’t exactly sure when this chapter would be allowed to start. It was part of the puzzle but missing pieces extended its completion.
We had just moved and in a majority of ways, we were starting over. That year was terrible. Absolutely horrific! I’ll spare you the details of why this year was so awful but just know this-getting officially engaged was not on the radar.
There were nights where we ate make shift creations for dinner because that’s all we could afford and days where I woke up with puffy eyes that only got progressively got worse as the day prolonged because it too got increasingly bad.
The flood gates were opened and neither one of us had a flotation device. Figuratively speaking, all we could do was viciously swim to safety and hope for the best on our way there.
For a while, my fiancé and I did nothing but fight and the worst part about that was: it was all due to uncontrollable outside forces. It literally sucked and it didn’t let up!
Finally, we managed to hit some calmer waters! They’re full of choppy parts to this day though but now at least much easier navigate through and soon after a trip my fiancé took back to see his family, we became engaged. Just like that.
His trip wasn’t a luxury one-it was shrouded in sadness to be painfully honest. My fiancé’s stepmom had passed away and after all we had been through the previous winter and spring, we weren’t prepared for how summer was starting. The only silver lining was my engagement ring.
I’m not a fancy lady and the one thing I had always told my fiancé was, “I don’t want a fancy ring.” I wanted something different and simple but when you are broke-even different and simple are too expensive. I would have settled for a “ring found at a consignment shop” but my fiancé never wanted me to settle like that and I could see that weighing on him.
I mean, here we were ready to start this life but not being able to no matter which way we turned.
They say, “Everything happens for a reason” and okay, I get that and would agree most of the time but unfortunately to comprehend this relic of wisdom means going through hell. All for the sake of an ‘Aha’ moment! Can’t we just bypass the bullshit and receive lessons less treacherous and gut wrenching?
It took the passing of my fiancé’s stepmom to accumulate a ring worthy to put on my hand-in my fiancé’s mind.
It was his grandmother’s and represented a 50 year marriage. It was also an heirloom and a ring that far surpassed anything I had ever envisioned and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciative for the stumbling.
With the ring in hand, he asked where two rivers meet, under a shaded tree, on a piece of land that offered river riders a rejuvenating retreat. It was the type of metaphor for how we landed where we were, where we are, and where we were headed-and I can recount every detail of that day with enamored recollection.
I, for the longest time, wanted this to happen and when it did, it was perfect. I’m just sad that his stepmom is not here to see the final outcome because in a weird twist of fate she in some way had a hand in how we got engaged.
The minute it happened, I knew immediately the date I wanted us to set. His mother’s birthday. I wanted to recognize a woman I had never met before but from the stories I had been told, it sounded like we would’ve had a kinship rather than a horror story of a mom/daughter-in-law relationship.
As you can tell, she has passed away as well. It was years ago and although that doesn’t make it easier, he’s had time to heal, at least a little bit, from his mother’s death. His birthday is the following day and he has said, “This is the best birthday gift I could give him-a nod towards his mother’s memory.”
The planning didn’t get started until the new year. We were perusing options only and Pinterest took up every spare second. Once we started to dig in, there was a lot of wedding nonsense to wade through. Our previous talks were never that in depth and we had no idea absolutely no idea the magnitude of choices. It’s a wild ride.
*sidenote: no soon-to-be married couple needs twenty types of invites repeating the same thing or twenty parties celebrating the same Union. What a waste of money, paper, and time-not only on your end but the people who are inevitably commencing your next phase in life.
The most accurate and best advice I got when I first got engaged was this:
“Every idea you start with will change by the end of it.”
Holy Moly! This woman’s shared wisdom was spot on. Very few ideas have made it through to the final cut. Along the way, a British grumpy judge will eliminate it.
My fiancé and I wanted a low-key celebration. We wanted eco-friendly and we both didn’t want to spend a tremendous amount of money. These things have “Rocky(ed)” their way to the final round. A) We don’t have that kind of money and B) We’d rather travel then go balls to the wall on one day! C) We like the environment and D) We like smaller groups.
Still, weddings-unless you choose eloping or the courthouse are expensive.
My fiancé would have preferred the latter but because this is my first and only wedding, I want to do it the right way and it’s not that fiancé doesn’t want that too...he’d just rather wait until we aren’t so financially fragile.
I understand that logic but life usually isn’t set up that way and most people I know don’t have a stock pile of cash waiting to be used on moments like these.
I am also a firm believer that rich people aren’t the only ones who deserve to live life because let’s be honest; those rich folks got that way because of other people. Other people they often don’t want to pay or better yet, don’t want to see rise or acknowledge for their existence.
Besides, 8/18/18 and that precise date held value. It only came once and just because we weren’t swimming in a sea of monetary bounty, didn’t mean we didn’t *DESERVE this. That I didn’t DESERVE the wedding of my dreams.
*deserve-I used to think this word was so arrogant and self righteous but at 38 and coming out of everything I’ve been through...I DESERVE HAPPINESS TOO.
We started out summer and rustic. We stuck with a little bit of both. We started out in the mountains-two hours away from where we live. We ended up in a garden in the city-closer to conveniences and the airport. We started out with a smaller yet large guest list and ended with a smaller more intimate one. We started with all paper invites but ended up with a website and very few paper invites to appease my mother. We started wanting to pay for it all and have ended up with my mother paying for most of it.
Without her, there would be no wedding. We’d be doing it my fiancé’s way or just wait until we had that stock pile. My mother was happy to gift me this and I am forever indebted and so proud she has been there every step of the way.
Everything has changed from beginning to end. Even my dress. It wasn’t what I pinned on Pinterest, not even close but when I put it on I fell in love. My budget was $500 and I purchased it for under soooooo Go Me!!!!! The Savings Queen.
And three months shy, all the loose ends are coming together.
If you have the desire and money to spend on a lavish wedding day by all means, feed that princess heart-who am I to judge. It’s just not for me. However, I do understand and I’m sure it will be fabulous. Some of those Pinterest weddings are pure bliss but they come with a crazy cost and if you don’t have that, that’s a direction you just can’t take. So why dwell on the can’t and create the can!!!!
I’m a flower babe-I love ‘em! I want flowers and plants everywhere. Especially in a romantic setting such as a wedding...but flowers at a wedding are a big ticket item and again, your guests can “oh and ah” at your $1200 centerpieces for a few minutes but that’s all that will happen. They really don’t care!!!!
They want food, fun, great tunes, and free alcohol! Flowers add up and speaking candidly, die. You just dropped a hefty amount of cash on things that are going to die! How’s that for a realization?
There is an in between though. Its a compromise but one definitely worth of taking into consideration. Besides, what is wrong with compromising? Truthfully, it’s the best of both worlds and I’m always on the hunt for the best of all the worlds.
Sooooo....without further ado I give you my second money saving tip for wedding planning.
Thrifty Tip Two:
If you are a bride like me and want flowers and greenery all around you but don’t have the wallet to accommodate that wish, look into a botanical garden. Most cities have one and surprisingly, I never thought this location could be financially possible. Even with my mother paying for it but it was and it’s gorgeous. Both my ceremony and reception are taking place here.
You see, these types of locations not only cater to day goers but also cater to events. Both small and large. They have tables, chairs, day of help, speaker systems, picturesque settings everywhere you turn and sometimes free perks that come with event packages. Included in the cost of our big day, our venue provides free days passes to all of our guests and since our wedding is at night, each guest has the time and opportunity to explore every inch of the Gardens.
It’s huge and breathtaking and the best part, it comes with free flowers and greenery galore...that won’t die once this day is done.
I’m only spending $100 on flowers and that’s including centerpieces and my bouquet. Being a bride on a budget isn’t bad and in the realm of flowery paradise, I’m getting all I could ask for and more without the ludicrous bill attached.
This day is about love and whether you are just beginning or wrapping things up, I hope you find insight in my experiences.
There’s more to come and if you have any questions or curiosities about saving a dime, drop me an email found on the first page.
Thanks for listening and good luck planning.
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