We Came. We Conquered.

We Came. We Conquered.

Sorry it’s been a while, folks. I’ve been busy wrapping up wedding plans and getting hitched. And this budget bride after all is said and done, came out only spending a fraction of what they say the “average American wedding” cost. Kudos. To. Me. I had to take a hiatus because those few months leading up to mine and my husband’s special day were crucial ones. First and foremost, two months prior the day of “I Do’s” my mother almost died. Both my mother and sister walked me down the aisle and I am dead honest when I say this: had tragedy stroke, there would have been no ceremony nor a celebration afterwards. I would have still married my husband...but no person would have been included. Before I go into all the wedding mumbo jumbo, I have to explain all that led up to this day. I knew from the get go that my engagement wouldn’t be a long, tedious one. I got engaged a year and a month before we actually did the deed. My fiancé’s stepmother passed away that summer and it’s how he acquired my ring. I couldn’t have asked for a better piece of jewelry to represent us and our journey. However, the circumstances surrounding it were still heartbreaking and I would trade the ring if it meant having her here. My fiancé’s real mother had passed away when he was 25 and after saying “yes, let’s do this” I knew I had to represent her in some way. I’ve heard stories and truth be told, I feel I am a lot like her. Big heart, mama bear type. So here we are in July 17’ picking the date 8/18/18...on his mother’s birthday. Sure, I could have dragged it out to 2019 but that date didn’t flow the way I wanted sooooo....we had a year and a month and that’s all. We had the ring that represented a fifty year marriage and his stepmother. We had the date that represented his mom and those were the beginning steps into this crazy adventure. Although it wasn’t until after the holiday season that we started laying down the groundwork. Right away my mother stepped in to make this day happen. She was my blessing and six months in, she became terribly ill. My mother is my best friend and being with someone who’s lost a parent, you never get over it. She was in and out of the ER and what was going on was literally shutting her body down. I use the term ‘literally’ in its true definition. She was literally dying. Five months to go, she was scheduled for emergency surgery. Four months to go, surgery happens. Four and a half months to go, she has post surgery complications and almost dies at four in the morning. Three months to go, she’s healing and determined to be at her daughter’s nuptials. Come hell or high water-she’s walking me down the aisle. Her words not mine. My wedding planning process has been an insane, upside down rollercoaster and being told how calm and happy both my husband and I were that day is a testament to what we went through getting to that point. I wanted my 2018 to be the best year yet...and it’s had its moments of complete bliss but on the opposite side of that coin, it’s also been brutal. Not to mention, the every day struggles and stresses mounting up. We don’t have deep pockets and neither do our families but even if we did....our point of view was filled with reason and logic not wants and desires. Again, without help from family and friends this day would have never been possible so I count my blessings and if you have someone footing your big day: take into consideration their wallets as well. It truly was a family affair and reflecting back, I’m elated by that notion. Everyone who came had that standing in my life-regardless of the DNA involved. Many people didn’t know all the bricks that kept getting thrown our way. No one wants to hear a bride bitch...I mean no one wants to hear complaining in general....buuuut....add planning a wedding to it and you just seem bratty. Besides, I couldn’t sulk. That was wasted energy and wouldn’t solve a thing. In the last year or so, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the thought process. I could either be upset or stay positive. I chose the latter and threw the bricks right back. Guests saw us happy and at peace and that’s because those unspoken trials and tribulations were done and over with....or maybe I was just over and done with them. At 38, my strength has become an impeccable force to be reckoned with. I dare say, I challenge those who don’t believe it. We were so happy because damn, we pulled it off. We were at peace because damn, everything we had dreamed of actually happened. Even the rehearsal was magical. It was weird. This strange but very appreciative energy that kept coming at us. Calm and happy was an understatement. Speaking of our rehearsal-when I planned it, we choose a place that we love and offers a variety of food. It was one of our very first places we had been to has a new couple to our new city. I was hoping we could rent out a room but we couldn’t afford that. We were okay with it because this place was that awesome. It didn’t really matter. However, the night we arrived there was a mixup in the reservation. Not on our end but theirs. They didn’t have us down for the right amount of people. Not even close but no worries, we were going to make it work and have a great time despite it. A manager just so happened to come up to where my mother and sister were sitting and asked, “How are things?” My sister never being the quiet one replied, “Do you want the truth or for us to lie and say everything’s great?” He looks perplexed and responded, “I want to truth.” Ten minutes later we are being ushered into a private space-the very room I wanted but knew wasn’t in the budget. I couldn’t be more grateful for how that night played out. A mishap turning into a dream I never thought possible. Seriously, this is the spot we wanted and here it was-all ours for the evening. On the house. It meant so much and going back to my beautiful hotel, I felt humbled. Our hotel had some hiccups too but again....those were swept under the rug when everyone who worked there were as gracious and kind as they could be. We were taken care of and it was a beautiful feeling to have. This hotel by the way, was so much fun and relaxing. It was centrally located and you could walk pretty much everywhere. If you couldn’t, an Uber or Lyft was inexpensive and readily available. I know Mom’s have all the compliments for their children but when she told me how she watched me talk to people and how she saw people from all over gravitate to us and our day in celebration, she had a very proud mom moment. That’s her baby girl being a woman. I still get loud and have a mouth on me but in the last couple of years, I’ve learned to stay a little more silent so when I do speak, it speaks volumes. Also slowly approaching 40, I’m being taught that toxic energy is worth twenty minutes of your time. Get pissed, shake it off, and keep moving forward. Almost losing someone important to you does that. What I learned about this whole experience is: that despite all the ups and downs, the universe listened. You will have things come up. It will be at times, a bumpy road. Your metaphorical tires will pop so carry some spares. Meaning, have some back up ideas and don’t sweat the small stuff. At the end of it, it will be beautiful. And it will go by quickly. Granted....I’m pretty sure my husband and I had the shortest ceremony known to wedding ceremonies but still, that whole extended weekend went by in a blink of an eye and I’m probably crazy for saying it but I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Not changing a thing along the way. Not even my tiny budget. I know it’s only been six days but since saying “I do,” I’ve never felt more free. extremely enjoyed planning my wedding. My blood, sweat, and tears were part of every detail and it came out better than I ever could have imagined. To the point that I might be considering a career change in the near future. I’m not a flashy bride. I don’t believe in a big ring, expensive wedding, or grandiose honeymoon. That’s not what this is Union is about. I do believe in embracing this time though so if that means you want all those things then you do you. Who am I to judge? Our tiny budget worked for us. We didn’t lack or need or wish for more and the biggest compliment we received by far has been that “They really considered their guests when planning their wedding.” We saved because we were smart. We started out wanting to go up in the mountains but really...after trekking across the world or country, who wants to do that? Regardless though our venue was a spot I always eyed but again never thought possible. No way! This place was freaking gorgeous. A botanical garden. It couldn’t be but it was with the time slot and day we wanted. Just a heads up, a wedding date that repeats in number will always be a popular one. It’s considered lucky. So does rain. It poured the day we got hitched but only in the morning and by the time it came to our nuptials, it was clear and gorgeous and glistening from rain drops. I’m not going to lie though that downpour had me worried. People kept asking what I would do if it rains and I always responded, “It won’t.” The week I got hitched, I sat with myself and wrote out all that I had hoped the following weekend would bring. I write these list often but this time I wrote, “It will be like this...” instead of “I don’t want this...” I wanted an experience. I wanted my guests to remember this day and weekend and that’s exactly what we got. With our location came a free day pass for all our guests and a membership for my husband and I. We kept our ceremony in the same location as our reception, making it easier for our guests to get to and fro. We opted for a small guest list and a small wedding party. Personally, all my would be bridesmaids live in other states and I didn’t want the hassle it comes with having bridesmaids for me or for them. I just wanted them to show up and minus a few, they all did. Happily. My mom and sister walked me down. My nephew/godson walked with my father. My other nephew rang a bell and hoped down the aisle alerting everyone I was on my way. My third nephew welcomes guests. My husband’s dad walked beside him behind his aunt who married us. I created a playlist and my radio DJ friends jazzed it up. I walked down to a song about mom’s and although, I didn’t see it...a bunny hoped out right before the ceremony on my husband’s side, staring the whole time, ears perked up in his direction. This song was serendipitous to what had occurred with my own mother and what my husband’s mother always played for him. The bunny hoped back into the bushes after we were pronounced husband and wife and I’m pretty sure that bunny was a combination of my husband’s mother and stepmother-two people who wouldn’t have missed this for the world. We were surrounded by natural beauty and by happenstance I picked a fun little pair of shoes that had peacocks on them-not knowing my husband’s mother collected peacocks. So I guess that was our theme. An environmental peacock, low key rustic garden get together. The feather became boutonnières, the plume became my mother and sister’s bouquet. My bouquet and centerpieces were the only flowers I paid for and all together was less than $100 dollars. I won’t go into many other costs because I learned in this experience-telling people the full amount is just like the “what do you do for living” question-this curiosity irks me to know end. I will say this-you can have a beautiful wedding on a tiny budget. I will tell you a few things though because they were awesome and I’m proud of them being thrifty. Saving vs. splurging was top priority and since this is a blog about thrifty living...I have to tell you where we saved and realistically where we didn’t. My dress was less than $500. It was the third one I tried on and I knew that was it for me. Interesting fact I just learned: my sign goes for that style. It was a halter style with pretty lace and a somewhat open back. It also had a train. I wore a peacock feather hair clip and had ‘love’ written on my ring fingernail. Both my dress and shoes will be reused. The shoes with no change and my dress made shorter with the rest being a quilt my mama will make. My husband wore a black vest with a black top, black pants, and a tie in the shade of peacock. His kicks were the biggest hit. They matched perfectly and stood out. Just like him. His suit and my dress were gifts from family. My mother bought my dress and plane ticket to get said dress and my sister and brother in the law bought my husband’s suit. Again, when in someone else’s pocket-don’t go overboard. You can get what you want for less, especially if someone is gracious enough to pay for it. Our budget for these things didn’t change once someone said they were paying for it either...and if we had more to work with, things wouldn’t have changed. I loved that dress (hence why I am turning it into other things) and my husband looked incredible. We were classy and elegant, fun and experimental. Put together but ourselves. Everything about that weekend was carefully considered and thought out and it showed. Our love for each other and all those who came shined through. That is what getting married is about. It’s not meant to turn into a spectacle or pissing contest. It’s not meant to be a social media shut down. It’s meant to exemplify the very things you are basing your marriage on. I’ve heard about these lavish weddings and I’ve been to a couple and maybe I’m biased when I say but those were carbon copies of one another. Mine had some similar characteristics but for the most part it was completely different. I loved that. We loved it. My husband even said it was one of the best times of his life and in my book that’s huge! In a way, I’m sad it’s over. Crazy, right? All the worries, all the stresses, and all the pitfalls...still don’t measure up to this special time coming together as it did. While I was planning it, I kept saying I couldn’t wait to see it as one cohesive event. I wish time had slowed down that weekend. The energy and love and magic that occurred were unreal and I feel confident it’s carrying over into married life. I know many people say that I’m their first few months/years of marriage but I truly feel he’s my twin flame and soul mate. We were meant to be together. I’ve always wanted to be a wife and apparently asked him when we were 20. His story not mine. We reconnected when we were 33 and he told me this. We moved cross-country, work together and live together. We’ve been through some tough times and shared some wonderful experiences and after all that, I know we will have a strong and lasting marriage. Our union is unbreakable and that was known before we made it legal. I feel so lucky in this regard: knowing we can overcome any obstacle....because all marriages have obstacles. We aren’t perfect and yes, we fight. That’s life and find me one couple that isn’t? We have no secrets and a trust in one another that’s far and few in between. We work at it everyday and making it legal doesn’t change that. The only difference I feel is this sense of freedom. I’m a wife now and some might find that restrictive but I see an opened cage. Doors unlocked with zero expectation for a return and it’s not just me, my husband feels the same. I see all his sides. The sides he doesn’t want anyone to see. The not so pretty sides. Sad truth, those sides are usually brought on by outside forces...but the week leading up, during, and now...I see a calm man standing before me. We’re a team and he’s not nor will he ever walk alone. Whatever comes our way, we can handle. Listen to me gush.....yea, yea...you came here for tips so without further ado...I bring you my wedding...in writing form. Freebies and suggestions: -Talented friends. Ask. They won’t mind and will love to do it. My photographer and I go back to grade school. She was half of what I was getting quoted and I liked supporting her business. -My reception music, a playlist created by three women: me and two girlfriends. We didn’t need fancy DJ’s. Those two did it professionally and music has surrounded our friendships. My husband and I danced all night...so did all of our guests. Then again, who can’t when you have a killer musical set up. -My makeup: another friend. She didn’t do this professionally but she knew what she was doing and I trusted her and she was proud to make me look radiant. -Upgraded rehearsal space. Don’t sweat the small stuff...it might turn into something fantastic. Unexpected turns will happen. Don’t freak out because everything will work out. Better than expected. -Upgraded and free couple suit at hotel. -Florals (mostly free but under $100 though). We got married in a garden. Enough said. -My dress, his suit: gifted by family members. -Our guest book: a wedding present from a promotion. Enter your name to wedding planning or bridal sites. You can clear mail as they come in. Go to bridal shows or just enter for free tickets. The guestbook wasn’t the only thing I won because I did this. -Free day passes for guests along with a year long membership to our venue and its events: concerts, anniversary gifts, seasonal happenings, and free entry for up to six people. Look at the perks of your space. If it doesn’t offer any and you still love it, go with it. If it does, definitely go with it. You are investing a lot and deserve some swag along the way. -Next day recovery kits for all hotel guests and a wedding night surprise gift for us from our hotel. Totally unexpected but most definitely a welcomed surprise. Look into reviews and do some research to hotels that make getting hitched memorable. By the way, do your vendors a solid and rate them. It’s a Yelp world out there and if you had a great time somewhere, write about it. It bothers me to no end that someone is so quick to complain but never that fast moving to say something nice. These companies rely on a technological mouth and unless you are an extremely hard person to please, you could find a good time in anything. -Wedding Website. Although, my mother did pay for a set of 20 paper invites for older family members and friends, we mainly sent a wedding website link as our invite. I liked working with it actually. It was simple and user friendly and environmentally on point. Let’s not forget, it was free! It became my wedding planner-keeping me on budget and on schedule the whole time. I highly recommend this tool to any soon to be bride on a budget or not. I used the Knot but have seen other sites that offer the same thing so you have options. No such thing as a Freebie: -Event space-ceremony and reception. Even beaches and parks can cost something. -Catering, cake and dessert. -Alcohol (unless you are cheap or have a dry wedding) *don’t be cheap no one wants to pay for drinks at a wedding. At that point, just be dry. -Photographer *where we saved with all these things: -We went small. This was huge with all of it. The more people, the bigger the price tag becomes. We were happy with our 65 guests. -We made our wedding centrally located to hotels, restaurants, the airport, and other accommodations. -We had both our ceremony and reception at the same venue, just a short walk away from one another. -We opted out of cocktail hour, a full sit down dinner, and a full bar. Our caterer provided us with heavy apps. I don’t understand cocktail hour....unless it’s small bite size food and a signature drink. Your attendees are eating again shortly so why give these huge plates of food then again serve huge plates of food. Doesn’t make a lick of sense and sounds so wasteful. Thankfully our time slot didn’t really allow for a cocktail hour. Our cake vendor provided us with l a small rustic looking cake and our catering company added doughnuts for extra desserts. Both were loved with little left over. Bonus: our cake vender will be giving us an anniversary cupcake in a year. Mmmmm. One more time, look for vendor perks. Still, without the anniversary treat our cake was inexpensive. Less than $300. While looking for this wedding element, the prices I kept seeing were insane. Like the cost of rent insane. It’s a cake people! What counts is if it taste good and this cake was delicious and it was adorable. A birch tree design with succulents coming out of it and our initials made to look like they were carved in. Our cake topper was a couple kissing under a tree. There are certain things I would do differently but that just me and no one noticed and every one loved it. -Alcohol. We supplied it and only provided beer and wine. A) the elevation is much different here than where most of our guests were coming from and the hangovers are a bitch. B) Liquor with chasers are expensive unless you want to punish your guests with the cheap stuff. We didn’t want to punish anyone. -Photographer. She was a friend that gave me an incredible rate. Things we splurged on but still wasn’t much: -We gave two gifts to guests. One: the glasses they got to drink out of (which we got many compliments on). Two: Their day passes that came with our wedding package. Another thing our guests kept telling us they loved. -Our space and food...but with these expenses came goodies so there was a happy exchange. We also had family contribute, making it easier on our part. Most of a wedding budget goes to location and food and even with help I was still determined to keep our costs low and we did. -We had a sunset ceremony and night reception. In total four hours. We wanted our guest fed but not be the only thing we did. Had we done it differently, our reception would have been eaten up by actual eating. We wanted to dance, socialize, and be with the ones we cared about. We wanted to spend little time sitting at assigned tables. We chose not to partake in some of the chosen traditional wedding routines. Which from what I hear from our attendees, was a breath of fresh air. We did a short and sweet ceremony that showed who we are spiritually. We weren’t announced at the reception. We didn’t have first dances with parents or tossing of garters or bouquets and we weren’t even going to have a first dance as a couple but that changed when my DJ pals played two songs: Willie Hutch’s “I Choose You”-a song my husband posted the day earlier to me (he doesn’t do social media) and the other Sade’s “By Your Side” chosen by my two girlfriends. This is one tradition I didn’t plan on but so happy to have the memory of. What was I thinking not wanting that? Another tradition we are saying nay too...our honeymoon. Gasp! You say? Nah, we are taking a few trips in the near future. We were gifted a trip to Jamaica next year. It’s with my husband’s family so it’s not technically a honeymoon buuut a pretty rad gift nonetheless. We’ll be visiting a friend for his wedding in Seattle next fall and there are a few spots we want to check out only hours away from where we live so we are okay with sans honeymoon. Sure, there’s places we want to visit and we will but first..are the things we want to take care of....so we never have to deal with them again. It will make our soon to be adventures all more incredible and I can’t wait for that time. Getting married, planning a wedding, celebrating a quick moment at the end of a long, tedious yet exciting hard task has been a humbling experience. I am overwhelmed by those who came. I am profoundly appreciative to the sentiments of those who could not. I am grateful to the universe and her signs. Amazed at the luck bestowed after all the chaos. I am excited about mine and my husband’s future and with that said, it’s time to live thrifty and show you how to has well. Next up real world living: the thrifty tribe style. This is the beginning folks. New chapter. Here we come.