And I'm free, just like the wind the breeze that blows
And I flow, just like a brook, a stream, the rain
And I fly, just like a bird up in the sky
And I'll surely die, just like a flower plucked
And dragged away and thrown away
And then 1 day it turns to clay
It blows away, it finds a ray, it finds its way
And there it lays until the rain and sun
Then I breathe, just like the wind the breeze that blows
And I grow, just like a baby breastfeeding
And it's beautiful, that's life and that's life
And that's life and that's life." Humble Mumble, Erykah Badu
Welcome to my lovely life, it's a tale that's quite a tale and if you have time I'll tell it.....
It's Friday and I'm a few hours shy of closing time. The psychic line I work for closes at nine. No, I'm not a psychic-just the middle woman and my boss's go to gal. But if I was, I don't think I'd have any clients anyhow. Not that I don't think I'm not gifted because I am. I'd have to be there has been one too many things happen in my life to not be gifted. I just don't do well with crazy and needy and grumpy.
The list of to-do's that was staring me straight in the face at the beginning of the week is now done and I feel like a gansta. Damn, it feels good to be a gansta. For the past year, I have been doing nothing but making gansta steps and it's time that I recognized it for what it is. A really good fucking job! Pardon the expletive.
You see, it wasn't always like this. No need to drudge all that back up again but I will say...before I got here...I was on one long, treacherous rode of self deprecation and bad decisions. Still, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing. It led me here and I am a wild woman. I need my odyssey's. It's the only way I will ever feel alive and I've accepted it. In fact, I thrive on it.
When I left my tribe over a year ago, I knew things had a 50/50 shot of going well. People thought I had lost my mind but I knew I was perfectly sane. I knew that if I stayed one more year where I was, on the hamster wheel I was riding, I eventually lose my shit. It took coming back to visit to get the affirmation I was looking for: being a wild woman was my path and I needed to stay on it.
Sure, I miss my tribe but living in the woods, in the middle of the mountains, has changed me. For the better. I wake up lighter and fuller than I ever have. I wake up and do yoga. I write more. I write more about living life than living the struggles of life. I create, I study, I honor the moon and all its power. I make love with love in my heart and I'm no longer afraid that that love will hurt me. I trust it won't. I finally trust. I see the positive and let go of the negative. There are still days and moments don't get me wrong but for the most part I am utterly okay in my skin. I feel stronger and braver and more in control than I ever have and I have the gusto to get up and go. I am conquering dreams and fulfilling goals-step-by-step and I'm no longer bitter about doing so. Call it being 35 or just wisdom but I am in peace.
Busy but at peace.
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